Where there’s a Will, there’s a Way!

I am a Survivor; no longer a Victim.

Trigger Warning: This memoir discusses my experiences as a result of sexual assault when a child.
This may be triggering to readers with similar experiences who are a trauma survivor.

 

~*~ Where there’s a Will, there’s a Way! ~*~

When I was a teenager, I found this small poster in a shop, and loved it. Along with these words, there was a cutely sketched drawing of a mouse dragging an elephant by his tail up a steep hill. These words have been the metaphor I have used for living my life, and as I write this, in late 2022, I have just turned 71. My poster has sadly departed, but its impact has remained with me always. I have lived every single day in this manner. The circumstances didn’t matter. I have never allowed myself the question of not wanting to do such and such. I had to. I just did it. No excuses. There is ALWAYS a way!

 

I am a writer, an artist, an entrepreneurial business person; I once was a teacher, and I am a lover of peace and the beauty of nature. Standing for truth and honour, I believe we all deserve justice, equal rights and dignity. As a consequence of my many trials and tribulations, I am telling my life experiences in my Books, The Freya Files – maybe to assist others, and definitely to assist healing myself. To document my traumas and know that others will read and appreciate what I went through has become a major aspect of my healing. To put out into the world all the trauma that almost collapsed me can be a lifeline. We all need to be loved and thought about with warmth and understanding. The desire to tell others of hidden griefs becomes a way in which empathy and care can be brought home, even though the reader is not known to us. At least, these are the feelings I have about this process. Many a person will say that writing is cathartic. It can be an avenue along which one can release and transmute repressed emotions. Writing is much safer than telling one’s story verbally. To relate to a person your innermost feelings, especially those that have remained deeply buried for decades, is not a task many can easily undertake. The spoken word is too shallow; the innuendos become nonsensical, and in most cases the humiliation and shame of the events take precedence, thus the impact of the story is completely lost. Whereas by writing one’s experiences, there is no face-to-face exposure, hence the troubled and delicate emotions will not be exposed in the raw. Putting words down can be an emotional wrench. I have been gripped with anxiety as I relive the pain, but at the end of the passage comes a release, in knowing that I have been brave enough, finally, after all the multitude of years, to bring out into the open what I have kept for the most part hidden during my entire life. Yes, from time to time I have mentioned to a select few people snippets of what I went through, but I have never given anyone, not a single soul, the tangled and obscure details that cut me in twain. My life has consisted of a multitude of battles for justice. It seems too much for one person’s experiences, but sadly, my time on earth has been continually enveloped with these battles. It is now time to gently unfurl my stories from within their chrysalis, and just like the butterfly, they will then take flight.

Having been a victim of serious crimes three times during my life, commencing when I was an innocent young child, I consider this burden to be much more than any person should bear … most especially when not one, but all three of these crimes was not satisfactorily pursued by the police, but instead the three separate perpetrators completely escaped any form of punishment for their actions – due to corrupt, inadequate handling of the cases, and an unjust justice system! I shall not cease making every possible effort to gain what is my right as a citizen, and that is the protection of the police force, and justice through the legal system.

I am a Survivor; no longer a Victim.

Do you believe in miracles?
Lots of people do ….. I do!

But, I also believe that we have to make our miracles happen … sitting idle and waiting for things to drop into your lap just doesn’t work.
So, after a large portion of my lifetime has swept me by, I have now decided I need to take the plunge, dive off the cliff … and fly! – and in so doing expose a great deal of dreadful True Crime that has been hidden away in Police archives – or even worse, has been shredded!

We all endure trials and tribulations in this crazy thing called ‘life‘ … some more-so than others. I have a great many stories to tell, taken from my own experiences in life, and I would love to share them with you.

I feel proud to be in a position to celebrate how far I’ve come. Although I travelled a turbulent road through life, I am proud to let you know that I came through it all with flying colours, and am now superbly happy, living on a magnificent rural property in Queensland. I have a successful business, four amazing adult children and loads of animals to enjoy on our tranquil piece of paradise.

~*~ Expect Miracles ~*~
We are Born to Win

I commenced writing my Memoirs about 5 years ago (being 2017), starting with the most recent crime, as I found that was the easiest of the three to broach. That book is since completed, albeit minus professional editing, and I moved on to my second book, the topic of which was the middle crime. Part way into that second book, I decided I needed to go back to the beginning of my life and put my books into chronological order. So, here we are; I am taking you back to my early childhood where all the turmoil started.

Mark Twain is quoted as saying:
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

My stories are the truth; impacting and littered with a vast array of emotions – sometimes warm and loving; at other times the cold harsh reality of crime oozes forth. Dreadful cruelty, emotional despair, crime, fraud, love and happiness are all entwined. The characters are many; detectives, police, family, husbands, lovers, friends and rogues, to name a few.

Writing my stories has a couple of purposes.
I have realised there is a creative and cleansing aspect to putting my experiences into black and white. It is frequently noted that memoirs are a healing tool for most writers who have been through traumatic circumstances. I am discovering it is a powerful way to share my story, with the view of finding comfort along the way.

My second purpose is to use them as stepping stones, reaching greater heights and volumes of people, and in so doing to gain a ‘voice‘ against the Tyrannical ways of the so-called ‘justice‘ system; a system that is frequently so unjust and cruel that it tends to dish out a harsher, more cruel crime than did the original perpetrator!

Names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals for security and legal reasons, because all three crimes are serious criminal cases that remain unsolved. My nom de plume is Mikky Eagle, and my chosen name for depicting myself throughout my writing is Freya Attwood. This name holds a great deal of intimacy for me, as it was the name my birth father would have preferred me to have been called, but my mother chose an alternative name. If I achieve success and gain the justice I seek, I will proudly allow my true name to be called from the rooftops, alongside the perpetrators who inflicted these crimes upon me!

What’s it all about?

Many times during my life I have asked this very question: “What’s it all about?”
Have you?
Life is a puzzle; a charade, a total labyrinth – yes, to be sure, it is most definitely a labyrinth ….. an intricate combination of paths or passages in which it is difficult to find one’s way, or to reach the exit. So, what does one do whilst enveloped in this maze? Continue on, strive ever forward – and never let it defeat you!

At the young and tender age of around seven or eight (possibly even earlier, although I have no proper recollection), I was subjected to a great many years of cruel and despicable behaviour, brought down upon me by a man who was, in the eyes of others, a respectable man. He was a close friend of my family, who had been known to all since before my birth. After my parents divorced he became my mother’s boyfriend for many years. He was, in essence, my step-father, which made the crimes he committed against me Incest! This man betrayed the very essence of morality, subjecting me to eight or more torturous years at the whims of his decadence – until at the age of fifteen he released me from his wicked clutches, due to the unspeakable consequence his depravity had inflicted upon my tender young body.

His utterly reprehensible and wilful debauchery scarred me for life. For at least another fifteen years after he released his hold over me I struggled, both physically and mentally. The more I matured, the more I became better able to cope and to live with my past. These crimes took place approximately between the years of 1959-1966.

The paedophile is a monster needing to be destroyed!

Regrettably, when all things are considered, it takes a great many years before an assaulted child can open up and tell others what happened. Sometimes they never do. In my case, it was many years after the abuse, and triggered by more heartache, that opened the floodgates.

Multitudes of feelings run riot inside an innocent child’s head, causing utter confusion and turmoil during the developing years. Emotions range from shame, disgust, embarrassment, guilt, fear, perplexity and many more, to feelings of worthlessness, despair and frequently suicidal tendencies. I can personally assure you, these children need the warmth and care of love and protection. Ultimately, on most occasions we youngsters battle it all alone, far too afraid and upset to confide in those close to us. This is the psychological trap the paedophile is able to create, and in most instances the monster is very skilled and knows exactly what to do to manipulate his prey.

 

In the same manner as Escher shows though the amazing detail in his artwork, the Process of Metamorphosis allowed me to change my perspective and cope with my life!!

 

So, that is what my project is all about – refusing to allow the tragic crimes that have befallen me get the better of me and crush the life force from my soul. We are dealing with a time span of seventy years, so it is well and truly time to set the records straight! This first Memoir spans about half my life, until I was in my mid-30s. The next two books pick up from there.

For me to truly win this battle, I feel these crimes need to be exposed for the horror that they are, and justice needs to be served. So, that is my aim and intention – to force attention onto those who are put into positions to uphold law and order, and make these bureaucrats not only aware of what their system and their employees have allowed to slip underneath the levels of moral protection, but in so doing, force them to bring forth justice to my life. My goal is that by exposing the brutal disregard of law enforcement, this should also assist the large number of other survivors facing similar travesties within the justice system. In writing these books, my primary focus is upon these miscarriages that took place. I discuss the crime, as that is of course the nucleus, but I move on to the effects of the crime, being the life-long scars that are the consequence of the cruel acts. The manifestation of it all lies in the linchpin; the justice system that repeatedly failed me!

I will persist until I succeed.
Quoting one of my favourite sayings:
“Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.“

I truly hope you will enjoy reading my memoirs, and I thank you in advance for your interest in my work and my life.

Learn more About Me here.

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