My Memoir Journey

multiple crime stories equate to multiple books!

I commenced writing my Memoirs about six years ago, being 2017, starting with the most recent crime, as I found that was the easiest of the three to broach. That book is since completed, albeit minus professional editing, and I moved on to my second book, the topic of which was the middle crime. Part way into that second book, I decided I needed to go back to the beginning of my life and put my books into chronological order. So, off I tootled; taking myself back to my early childhood where all the turmoil started.

I am pleased to say I worked super hard, writing at every moment possible – which is not so easy with our busy family business always calling for yet another task to be looked after, but my kids have been great and stepped up to the mark to take some of the load off my plate, allowing me more time to write. Thanks heaps you guys😁

Now I have that second book also finished – Yay!! … well, needing editing, of course.

 

I did complicate matters somewhat – groan!

When I commenced writing, I always wanted to write my stories as Memoirs, but found this to be a difficult task as obstacles jumped up in front of me. Many editors to whom I chatted gave me their strong opinion that memoirs would not be popular. ‘Too niche,’ they often said. ‘You aren’t a figure of any note, so who would want to read about you.’ Ouch!

But, I have a very tenacious spirit, and it remained in my mind that my books really should be written as memoirs. My first book was completed in the third person narrative style, but the other two books discuss events that are much more intimate, so I decided memoir was definitely the style I needed. I wanted to be able to convey the depth of these details from my heart. I needed to relive these events, as shocking as they were, because I couldn’t convey the intensity of emotions unless it was my own voice speaking. I am yet to revert that first book to memoir-style, but will attend to that as soon as my other two books are fully completed. Thankfully I made this decision before I had written too much of my second book, so I altered yo first person that which I had written, and wrote on from there. The following quote from Louis Pasteur is an exact fit to my life!

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal.
My strength lies solely in my tenacity.
– Louis Pasteur

Just what is a Memoir?

A Memoir is not an autobiography

A memoir fits the category genre of literary narrative non-fiction, or perhaps creative nonfiction if you prefer. In a nutshell, a Memoir is a true story written in the style of a novel. It contains facts – it absolutely must be true to one’s life.

But, being written as one would tell a story brings the details to life, allowing the reader to become fully enveloped in the narration as though they were listening to a story being told. It is a story being told though, isn’t it? One’s own story, from areas of one’s own life that are important, interesting, impacting and definitely emotional.

Writing a Memoir brings one’s story to life in a deep and meaningful way. I find it allows me to discuss all of the intricate happenings that have been part of my life story, in a way that could never happen if I tried to voice the story, face-to-face with anybody. In book form, it allows me to write from the depths of my heart, and in so doing, I earnestly trust that my readers will also become enveloped in the depths of the journey I have taken.

Why do I want to write these memoirs?

Part of the reason that drives me to write is the cathartic aspect. This can be achieved in a number of subtle ways, I feel, without the need for professional consultation. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a common form of treatment for people who have undergone trauma. A key element of CBT is talking about thoughts, fears, and feelings. In my case, it is not easy to talk about these topics with others, simply because the majority of people feel discomfort in the subject matter of sexual assault. I think the human self-survival instinct is to talk – and talk, and talk! A good simple analogy that most people will have come across at some stage in their lives is the friend or relative who splits up with their partner, and/or divorces. The injured party wants, and needs, to talk to those close to them about all they are going through. Often, simply talking through thoughts about a topic exposes people to their anxieties, or fears. Some are fortunate enough to find a willing ear, whilst others are not, which usually makes their emotions pile higher, having no outer release. The same principles apply to more serious traumas. But, one needs a kind, attentively listening ear for any success to take place. Throughout my life, I have not found any people willing and able to assist me with this method, most likely because my traumas were large and the topics caused others to feel ill at ease. So writing became a prominent goal for me.

Dissociative amnesia & Exposure Therapy

Exposure therapy is a form of CBT … by exposing oneself to these incidents as much as possible can assist us in trying to process it all as a memory, and not just leave it as a locked-up memory. Some clinicians have the opinion that repressed memories can be a burden on the individual. This may be true to a certain extent, but the body’s response to trauma is often to repress memories. This is medically termed post-traumatic amnesia, or dissociative amnesia. Dissociation is a mental process whereby one disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, and/or memories. The body’s method to allow a person to cope with the trauma of violence and sexual abuse often triggers this response – as happened in my case. Sometimes it is short term, sometimes longer, and in others, those memories remain suppressed permanently. One of the traumatic attacks on me caused the permanent loss of a section of my memory – that section has never returned. This is obviously what my body needed to survive.

Putting all of the events of my life into the written word allows me to step through into another world – a place where I am able to open up and disclose my inner self. The pain and discomfort still exist to this day, but writing everything down, then reading it over and over again whilst moving through the drafts is definitely helpful. Some of the areas I look at through my current eyes seem so minor when transcribed, but I assure you – at the time they were playing out, they were far from minor in my existence of that past time. Perhaps because they now take on a minor role, this will help to dissolve much of the ever-present essence of trauma that continues to pervade my soul.

 

So, that is what my Memoirs are all about – refusing to allow the tragic crimes that have befallen me get the better of me and crush the life force from my soul. We are dealing with a time span of seventy years, so it is well and truly time to set the records straight! The first Memoir spans about half my life, until I was in my mid-30s. The next two books pick up from there.

Names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals for security and legal reasons, because all three crimes are serious criminal cases that remain unsolved. My nom de plume is Mikky Eagle, and my chosen name for depicting myself throughout my writing is Freya Attwood – hence the title of the Freya Files. This name holds a great deal of intimacy for me, as it was the name my father would have preferred me to have been called, but my mother chose an alternative name. If I achieve success and gain the justice I seek, I will proudly allow my true name to be called from the rooftops, alongside the perpetrators who inflicted these crimes upon me!

Justice

For me to truly win this battle, I feel these crimes need to be exposed for the horror that they are, and justice needs to be served. So, that is my aim and intention – to force attention onto those who are put into positions to uphold law and order, and make these bureaucrats not only aware of what their system and their employees have allowed to slip underneath the levels of moral protection, but in so doing, force them to bring forth justice to not only my life, but to all those others who have endured similar.

My goal is that by exposing the brutal disregard of law enforcement, this should also assist the large number of other survivors facing similar travesties within the justice system. In writing these books, my primary focus is upon the miscarriages that took place and the aftermath of dealing with the trauma. I discuss the crimes, as that is of course the nucleus, but I move on to the effects of the crime, being the life-long scars that are the consequence of the cruel acts. The manifestation of it all lies in the linchpin; the justice system that repeatedly failed me!

 

Police Tort

As a scathing example of what I refer to as Police Tort – the Police would not charge the perpetrator of the paedophilic criminal assault I endured for more than eight years as a very young child because, in their words,
“He’s an old man now, possibly with a touch of dementia.”
“It’s best for you to just leave him alone.”

I ask WHY? – and how can it be possible that a known criminal was allowed to remain free?

 

Perhaps by writing and hopefully publishing my Memoirs, these shocking travesties of justice may be brought into the light of day in our current world, and my dearest wish is that those involved be brought to justice for the immense crimes they committed by pushing aside Paedophilia, Rape and Arson – the three crimes to which I was subjected through the course of my life!

 

If there is anybody who may read this, and feel something can be done to expose these wrongs, I woukld be most grateful if you would get in touch with me.

Thanks so much, in advance! ❤️

Memories of our lives, of our works and our deeds will continue in others.

– Rosa Parks

 

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